How to Maintain Bachelorhood

Step 1. Walk with your head down in the hallways.
Step 2. Never smile.
Step 3. Never meet new people.
Step 4. Instead of running, eat a bag of potato chips.
Step 5. The more socially awkward you are, the better off you'll be.
Step 6. Don't go above and beyond, stay average and plain.
Step 7. Never show any emotion other than anger.
Step 8. Remember, ugly sweaters and shirts are your friends.
Step 9. Drive a ghetto car that's held together with tape.
Step 10. Shower, because you don't want to smell bad, but choose a funky smelling deodorant. That way you don't smell awful but you do smell weird.

Paris

       In real life, I'm not sure that I would ever go to Paris. The way that our class has viewed it sort of makes me think that it has become our mascot and personally it has become my Land of Oz. I wouldn't go because I would be afraid that it's not all that I thought it was. For me, it is enough just to fantasize about it. To me, it is the place where everyones ideas are original and creative. I picture muses sitting at every corner cafe. A place where businesses thrive off the inspiration they gathered that morning. A place where couples go to experience a love that is more pure. Where musicians go to unlock the masterpiece that burns passion inside of them. And where Artists go to capture those brief yet distinct moments that have and will change the world. I picture stylists working like crazy to stay up with the latest fashions, not only because they want to look fabulous but because their right to live in Paris depends on it. Paris, where new artists are always recognized and the old ones are never forgotten.

If You Knew Me

Do You Think You Know Me?

      My face has been smashed. I have picked gravel out of my skin. But if you knew me, you would
know that the most pain I've ever felt came from disappointing my mother.

      I have been lost in the mountains at night. I have shared a mine shaft with a mountain lion. But if you knew me, you would know that my deepest fear is that I'll never find someone to enjoy life with.

      I have seen the sun rise over the glaciers of Alaska and I have seen it set behind the tides of Maui. But if you knew me, you would know that what I value most is to hear my little nephew tell me that he loves me, and that he wants to be just like me.

             -Brennan Moeller